Telling times

On Friday we had some news about V, she is on the ASD spectrum. We were expecting it but I feel quite indifferent to the diagnosis. For a long time I have suspected that she was autistic although on the higher part of the spectrum. I still have issues how it has been received by family members who think all is well with her. It certainly is not and this proves it. I am a bit tired of explaining how it affects her and feel quite annoyed at the lack of understanding this brings. The denial that anything is wrong hurts when there is clearly so much wrong with her. I am a realist and do not have difficulty in accepting ideas and beliefs.

I have had my weekend of respite which was restful despite it being out of my comfort zone, spending a weekend with virtual strangers who became friends. I had the rest and relaxation I needed despite feeling quite ill with some sort of flu thing. I will look back at the weekend with fond memories.

I am trying to get myself "together" and will visit Doctor on Wednesday and will assert myself for the referrals I believe I need. At the weekend I had a consultation with a Doctor who did a bit of an MOT on me and has suggested that I follow up a few things.

Coming back home to things my heart sank but it rose when I was greeted by my children. I was showered with love and cuddles for a good hour, I was so blessed to have this display of my dear little ones.

Today I attended assertiveness training as part of a Carers course at Quakers meeting house. It was interesting. I met a very nice older gentleman who was a carer for his wife for many years until she died recently. He explained that a friend of his had had a dream of her being carried into heaven by the angels. He said it gave him great comfort. I was so touched by his hope and vision that I almost cried. I know I have been moved by the spirit this weekend and it has deepened my faith in God a little. Sometimes we get lost along the way and we need something to help us stabilise and understand our foundation. The dream kept this man's faith alive in him and helped to strengthen him. All the burdens God gives us are to test our resolve, he keeps his promises if we keep his. I felt strong when I was having V as I know God would never give me something I could not cope with, he has faith in me like I should have in him.

I still seek the Church to call my own but to me Faith is more important that where you worship. I do dread going there because of behavioural issues both children have and I should not feel like that. Time will tell what happens and where I will end up.
Such telling times.