Wednesday, 21 October 2009

New directions

I have just started as an Avon Sales Rep. I have been considering it for many years but did nothing about it. A friend is my Sales Leader and encouraged me to join. I am glad I did it as my first order has been quite profitable. I have also bought a few things, not too much though.

I had a flu jab this week, it was the first time I had had one of these. I must remember to get one every winter as last winter I was so ill. Caring is impossible when you become ill and invariably you make yourself worse whilst trying to cope.

The group I am working with is having a lot of extra meetings lately. Today I met with someone from Barnardos who wants us to help feed back at his meetings about the Parenting Strategy. Sounds good in principle and he has agreed to include something we asked for on the agenda with a view to running a training course on it in the town. Having a voice and representing others is a good thing.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Telling times

On Friday we had some news about V, she is on the ASD spectrum. We were expecting it but I feel quite indifferent to the diagnosis. For a long time I have suspected that she was autistic although on the higher part of the spectrum. I still have issues how it has been received by family members who think all is well with her. It certainly is not and this proves it. I am a bit tired of explaining how it affects her and feel quite annoyed at the lack of understanding this brings. The denial that anything is wrong hurts when there is clearly so much wrong with her. I am a realist and do not have difficulty in accepting ideas and beliefs.

I have had my weekend of respite which was restful despite it being out of my comfort zone, spending a weekend with virtual strangers who became friends. I had the rest and relaxation I needed despite feeling quite ill with some sort of flu thing. I will look back at the weekend with fond memories.

I am trying to get myself "together" and will visit Doctor on Wednesday and will assert myself for the referrals I believe I need. At the weekend I had a consultation with a Doctor who did a bit of an MOT on me and has suggested that I follow up a few things.

Coming back home to things my heart sank but it rose when I was greeted by my children. I was showered with love and cuddles for a good hour, I was so blessed to have this display of my dear little ones.

Today I attended assertiveness training as part of a Carers course at Quakers meeting house. It was interesting. I met a very nice older gentleman who was a carer for his wife for many years until she died recently. He explained that a friend of his had had a dream of her being carried into heaven by the angels. He said it gave him great comfort. I was so touched by his hope and vision that I almost cried. I know I have been moved by the spirit this weekend and it has deepened my faith in God a little. Sometimes we get lost along the way and we need something to help us stabilise and understand our foundation. The dream kept this man's faith alive in him and helped to strengthen him. All the burdens God gives us are to test our resolve, he keeps his promises if we keep his. I felt strong when I was having V as I know God would never give me something I could not cope with, he has faith in me like I should have in him.

I still seek the Church to call my own but to me Faith is more important that where you worship. I do dread going there because of behavioural issues both children have and I should not feel like that. Time will tell what happens and where I will end up.
Such telling times.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Changes - (One Step, Two Steps....)

There have been many changes in my life recently.
MIL has come to stay which has enabled me to get on with more pressing things and the children really love having her to stay (despite having to put up with the dreaded daytime soaps/gameshows and less cbeebies).
I have decided that I want to change nurseries for V, as the one attached to the childrens centre has more structure which is what she needs. She is able to sit and focus on an activity and has less moments of flitting from place to place. My only worry is that this change will affect her behaviour. Next year once we get the statement she should have a 1 to 1, but I do not know if she will be entitled to one now. I will be speaking to the teacher at the nursery tomorrow hopefully. The childrens centre Manager said that it might be the right time for her to move on, it is still attached to the centre, and on the days I have my meetings she will still go there, perhaps 2-3 times a month.
I am on the job hunt, something for 2-3 days a week. S's hours at nursery have increased so I have more time to jobhunt, but it is quite difficult to find challenging part-time work. "I" said that I should not sell myself short by working in the local supermarket! I will not rule anything out...!!!
I have called 3 schools for an appointment and they were all unavailable to commit to a day for us to view. We do not want to view with other parents which I think is fair enough. It seems like this may go into next term.
Also I need to get S's name down for nursery for next year, and this will no doubt end up starting in Jan 2011.
My eye is a problem again and I have got a repeat prescription. The famous knee also went this weekend after extensive walking and everytime I twist it I am in agony. I want putting down....
On Wednesday we (the parents group) are off to all the local parks, to see how the money has been spent and how much they have ignored the needs of disabled children. I am looking forward to it. They have another 20 parks to be redesigned that we hope to have some influence in or else!
I also requested tickets late for a womens empowerment day, so the lady said I can put you on the mailing list for next year, now that is not at all helpful, am I to spend a whole year not being empowered? Ridiculous. Sure they are only fully booked because they have a free buffet anyway! I must add that is not the reason I was going of
Other small changes, finally separated from the children, they have own room, and so do "I" and I. MIL also has own room, so no unnecessary sharing thank-you very much. Now all we need is the rest of the house to take shape and I will be most happy.
"I" is looking into the option of changing working hours, so that would also help a lot of matters in our lifestyle, and would benefit the kids as well.

S has become terrified of an advert for Grandpa in my pocket - the character Great Aunt Loretta is an occasional visitor, but when he sees her he sobs tries to hurdle the stairgate and shakes for 20 minutes. You cannot pre-empt when the ad comes on, so I quickly turn it off and try and calm him down. His behaviour is becoming difficult, but not sure if that has anything to do with the recent changes at home, and the fact he is 2 next week. I cannot believe that time has gone so quickly. I still remember so clearly when he arrived and how content I felt to have a "normal" baby without anything wrong to be able to hold him without worrying about his every breath, holding his head and knowing everything was fine. Not worrying when he did not drink/pee/pooh! Oh the bliss. I think the joy of parenting was taken away when I had V, there was so much uncertainty about her breathing at birth. When S came along I had moments of real joy knowing this is what I missed dreadfully with V. Such different memories, but the only thing they had in common was that they were both so wanted.

I am trying to organise a school reunion for my dearest old friends from school, we have all taken such different paths and I will enjoy seeing our differences, and how we ever became friends at school.
I am also trying to get away for the weekend for much needed respite from everything. I want to recharge my batteries as they seem pretty low and when they are low I get colds that last the whole autumn/winter.

Monday, 7 September 2009

Where there is a will there is a way...

Camping has been and gone it seems a lifetime away.
I was glad of the break and felt surprisingly rested on return. I was even glad to be home despite everything.

It was very nice to meet a lot of people, see their children, hear their stories and above all have a understanding of each others anxieties, joys and worries.
I have learnt a lot also.

The tent was lovely, a sunncamp prism 8 very spacious for us all and quite eye-catching. It really blocked out the light in the bedrooms as well being black.

V loved the relative freedom and S escaped from the tent several times, and twice unnoticed first thing in the morning when "I" was in the shower and I was asleep!!!
Derbyshire was nicer than I was expecting and there is a lot to do, so know that next time will ensure I get to see the other bits I missed. Strangely enough we kept ending up in Nottinghamshire by accident mainly. I really liked Bolsover Castle - The Little Castle, fascinating. Very difficult getting V around it without her screaming and running away. She hates being moved from a to b. Thank God it wasn't a guided tour and we had to go at certain times/ways that would have been a nightmare.

Back to home life and back to nusery.
V was excited to be back today (although I made a mistake and booked her in last Thursday! that won't be funded)
Fridays she is having a Multi-disciplinary Assessment (for Autism), the first one last Friday was full of boys, mostly non-verbal and all you could hear was V chatting at the top of voice for 1 hour solid. It is something she does when nervous, gets louder, starts talking more nonsense and repetitively. Hope she settles down. Glad they saw a negative side of her behaviour as when it was time to go she had a meltdown/tantrum whatever you wish to call it. I was glad this was going to be on record.
I do think she has some real issues with her sensory perceptions. I do feel clueless what to do to help her. Mostly now I ignore them as if I dwell on them too much can make it worse.

The funday at the special needs school went well and all had a good time. I was there helping, so "I" managed the two of them on his own, despite both running in different directions, it was a relatively safe environment. I also invited his old school friend whose daughter also has a learning difficulty so they were both there to grab them when they went too far.

I am hoping September brings better things for me personally. I feel adrift in many areas of my life and want to be back on track. We also have a long stay visitor coming at the end of the month and trying to clear a space for her is proving difficult with the accumulation of this families stuff and a house renovation gone terribly wrong. She is a much wanted visitor, my mother in law who I have really missed having around. I was living with her up until last May for 20 months, so have grown pretty close. Father in law will arrive later in the year, and both will stay no doubt until the new year, but we do not know how long they will be staying for. I just want everything to be right for them, so they can have a stress-free visit.
Also looking at ways to help me get through this all and will hopefully sign up with Flylady. For the past few weeks, each time I have gone to the local shop, I have bagged up some stuff and given it to the charity shop. Flylady has a 27 fling thing boogie (may have got that wrong) pick up 27 things to chuck, and then bag 27 things and give away. That charity shop will now be overwhelmed with my old junk and freecycle as well.

Where there is a will there is a way...

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Preparing, planning and panicking!

The 3 p's for getting ready for a holiday.
We are only going camping, but there are so many things to remember, and of course, not just for me only....the two little people and the other big 1.
I have had fun making lists, and going through all the essentials, and then buying things on a whim cos they look good. Typical...
The tent is a sunncamp prism which we partially erected in the garden, so I am quite happy with it. Provided it does not rain whilst putting it up, or the kids don't try and tamper with it. Campsites need to provide a holding area for kids whilst parents are putting up tents, you can't expect 2 under 4's to HELP. I know Derbyshire is only just over 2 hours away, not as far as I was thinking. People keep asking me is it near the lakes, I think not, in fact I do not know what is there!
Hire car arrives tonight and I am keeping everything crossed they accept my drivers licence that has the wrong name, and wrong address on it. Deep breath. Otherwise there is no way of getting there. Walking/Public transport is not an option. The ka is too small to transport all the stuff we need to travel with.
I just hope when I get there I can relax properly and start to enjoy myself.
I am trying to think positively about everything.

Positive thoughts, I will go and finish packing now.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

Giving, Making and Creating.

Yesterday I tried my hand at making some money at a nearly new clothes sale over in Binfield. What a waste of time that was! It was fun doing it with my friend, but really hardly anyone turned up. So glad I did not pay to do that.
Today had GX Church picnic, nice to see old faces and meet the new minister. Long haired with guitar rather hippy like but cheerful enough. He looks quite radical, but sounds like what the church needs.
In the week I gave a bit of stuff away on Freecycle, I felt so good doing it seeing the joy on the peoples faces. That was satisfying.
I experienced Parchment in the craft class which was quite challenging as sitting down for 2 hours and concentrating on something rarely happens. Also drawing is something I have not done since school. After 2 hours it is still work in progress!!!!!!
Friday there was a fancy dress party (Noahs Ark theme) at the playgroup, so I decided to take V out of nursery and send her and S to it with "I" as it was his day off and I thought it would be great bonding time. I made my children into bees. V wore an old outfit of mine, a black and yellow chiffon skirt with ruffles, and halter neck top. I managed to borrow a roll of hazard tape from the local charity shop and cut out black bits to stick onto the skirt to create the bees stripes. S wore black trousers, and the yellow bits formed stripes on that, and the black membrane from the garden was his top and I transformed that also.
I really enjoy projects like this.
Whilst the kids were busy with Daddy I was at an ASD meeting learning how to make a visual timetable, so created one of those also. It was definitely worth my while going.
I tried my hand at making some money through advertising the pushchair and highchair but no joy as yet. My friend and I have decided to do a couple of car boots this year to try and get rid of these things. I guess people don't have a great deal of money at the mo so getting shot of stuff quickly is hard unless you give it all away.
I am enjoying my creativity this week, but am conscious that I want to start making money seeing as last week I made a small amount.

Thursday, 9 July 2009

An unusually busy day

Had a 5 hour meeting at the council offices today in relation to the parent participation project I am working on. We discussed the groups finances and how we will spend the 10k in the next 9 months. I also learnt about SPICE on ice for children with special needs, and no doubt will be taking V there when she turns 4. Hopefully they will have someone to help her as I cannot ice skate. I can't bear it. Great thing for her to do. Heard that my local rink are looking for a team of special needs children to go to Canada next year for a tournament. Apparently there is only one other such group in London that does skating for special needs, so we are quite lucky having this facility right on our doorstep.
Then I went to a market research evening for feminax tablets, it was quite fun and a good way to make money for your opinions. I earnt £35.00 that is the first bit of money I have "earnt" since 2006. Very odd! Interesting group of people, 2 single mums, 1 newly unemployed girl, 1 part-time worker, and 1 hr person from honda. 6 including me. Hopefully I can do more of these as and when they come through. I really enjoyed pulling these ads to pieces, did not realise how much my media degree made me so critical of ideas and concepts! Perhaps I should have gone into advertising, I have always been more of an ideas person and that is why I enjoyed the drama side of the degree more. After doing that degree for 3 years, I never really enjoyed watching films again. I rarely go the cinema these days, as nothing seems of real interest to me. I have seen 1 film this year on the tv, "An Unfinished Life", which despite having Jennifer Lopez in it, was a good film, well written, and well directed. I never seem to want to watch a film, or I catch it half way through, and then there is no point.
Then I went over to a craft evening (average age 65) where I made 4 envelopes and used the scraps of paper to make cards to go with them. Such escapism from my day to day life, and nice to hear them all moaning about their grandchildren!
Children were at nursery from 9-3 and S did not have a nap, when he got home he was so grisly. "I" had the pleasure of looking after his children for the evening. When I got in at 10pm S was crying, "I" fast asleep so did not hear him, S had a wet bum.
Just changed to size 5 huggies seem massive to me the 4+ were making marks around S's legs. He does have very chunky legs, I do love squeezing them!
V made me laugh this evening, "Oh mummys doing her lips, thats nice" she rarely sees me putting on make-up in front of her!
Tomorrow being ripped off again for a retest MOT. £48 last Friday for an MOT that failed, then £80 on Wednesday for 1 shock absorber, and so tomorrows retest will be £28. So the money I earnt is already accounted for. Such a shame, wanted to put it towards the camping trip.
Never mind.
Trying to get rid of some stuff on freecycle but the person did not turn up, not a good start.